Grand Theft Chicken & Dumplings


If necessity if the mother of invention, why have none of you mofos patented the covert green chile carrier? The demand is out there, as are the 3-D printers.  Mr. Sichler of Sichler Farms, the Heisenberg of ALBQ Green, would make an amazing supplier. Why? I once asked Mr. S about his favorite green chile platter. Expecting to hear about an Inca-old stew recipe for posole, my jaw must have notice-ably dropped at the uttering of the words “Olive Garden“. Mr. Sichler stopped, looked at me like I hadn’t brushed my teeth since birth, and continued on:”I always take in a small baggie of fresh green to put on a bowl of their potato and garlic soup.”

Genius, right? Except for the baggie part and that’s where you, dear inventor, comes in.


Anyway, thanks to Mr. Sichler, green chile  juice has leaked down my leg waiting on cheese steaks, pizza slices and of course, bagels. While I’ve yet to set foot in an Olive Garden in this lifetime, last night I packed about a 1/4 cup of fresh green in one of those Ziploc disposable plastic containers we all keep far too long and run through our dishwashers and end up somehow with far more lids than containers into a Mariano’s. This local gourmetro grocer boasts a chicken and dumpling soup one would steal for. And last night I did just that, er both.

Dear Mariano’s – I did pay for the medium bowl of C&D, covertly dumped then stirred in some green and experienced Chi-Mex style nirvana.  Thank you – Me

Dear Mariano’s Customer – I work second shift and Mariano’s is one of the few decent grub outlets open after 6 in the area. Because I’d planned out yesterday’s meal days in advance and when you think about it across thousands of miles and for several years, going so far as to carry around a parcel of green that from a distance could very well have looked like medical MJ and landed me in the slammer, please understand how upon discovering the shiny C&D cauldron scraped dry (for the second night in a row) my jaw dropped like someone had just welcomed me to the “Olive Garden” until I noticed a medium, lidded container of C&D, with accompanying oyster crackers, sitting there as if maybe you’d either, as I hope a.) forgotten it  b.) walked off for a beverage, figuring nobody would ‘steal’ what obviously belonged to another patron or c.) decided to eat at the Olive Garden instead. It didn’t even take coming up with option c for me to simply take what the gods had obviously left out for me. Or, should you be a evolutionaryist, that I, obviously higher up the food chain if only because of the bulge in my pocket that is/was green because I was happy to see your soup there waiting for me and swooped down upon your dinner like a kestrel.




PS – Here’s what would have been your mediocre supper looked like after my divine intervention.


If any industrial designers read this, please start a kickstarter campaign to develop some kind of covert green chile carrier and delivery device. I’ll happily kick in, especially if you can make it look like a gun. One never knows when one might have to take extreme measures to get one’s soup or scare the silence into anyone witnessing one leaving an Olive Garden.

Get us outta here, Uncle Lou (RIP):







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