Archive | May, 2015

I Hope The Russians Love Their Tamales Too

2 May

Dear Internet,

You’re probably too young to remember life during cold war time. The grade school “fire” drills, the monthly air-raid siren testing, Spies Like Us. Y so you’ll probably never have to fear total destruction courtesy of the USSR and/or John Lydon and Afrika Bambaata.

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Mira or escuche or whatever, all that red threatening military might, muscle, and missile turned out to be about as powerful as the almighty Oz and/or a toilet paper roll. It seems for those of us old enough to remember them, the Red Square parades broadcast for the USofA’s viewing terror starred the latest in faux weaponry: as empty an Eminem threat.

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Cut To: Desert Storm where it turns out the few SCUDs that may have actually caused bodily harm were in the parlance of the pyromanical Black Cat firecracker fiend:

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And yet, because there’s always an “and yet” which I have no idear how translate into espanol, even though the Russians were shooting blanks, the Russians were shooting blanks, the Russians were shooting blanks, while we learned to fear not what the USSR can do to US(ofA) Russia, well, not so much:

 

What made this think go off in my hypocampus like so many ladyfingers?

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A “holy crap tamales from Texas” purchase from the great Woodman’s of Aurora, IL.

 

Inspired packaging promised something world beating.

 

Contents turned out to be as dud as a SCUD. Flavor notes: empty Charmin roll, Desert Storm axle grease, Johnny Rotten gobshite, more dead than red.